I'm just done reading "Drink" by Ann Dowsett Johnston. I am 47 years old. Even though on the inside I am a complete mess, I always try look cheerful by putting a smile on my face trying to look happy in front of the others.
Drink' helped me face my drinking habits which has been an issue for a long time. It made me feel uninsulated which was really soothing. Several problems in my life caused my misuse of alcohol and the usual reasons such as hereditary factors, and indiscipline does not feature. I never had a rosy childhood; My father was unfaithful probably due to my mother being obese and lacking in confidence leaving me without attention and care. Psychologically, I was strong.
Strangely, I took no alcohol in high school. My university days was a different scenario with students partying without inhibitions while the school attempts to portray its intellectual capability. Thus started my adventure into episodic drinking and consequent terrible conduct - running from power outages, to awful aftereffects to unseemly sexual exercises.
I came to understand that the only way for a corpulent young woman to have a sexual relation was to be intoxicated the same way as the boys.
I woke up one day, unclad sharing a bed with some guy in a frat house in Montreal..... I remember and it is indeed a miracle I didn't get severely wounded, hospitalised or in a detention cell for arrested drunks or pregnant.
Life advanced on - I turned into an enlisted nurture, acquired an experts degree and dated a pleasant individual. We drank wine on ends of the week when we were as one and at times amid the week I would buy a jug for myself.
Time flew, and so did my life; I got married, had two kids and during the months preceding their birth I avoided alcohol. But then as life goes on, aging parents, ADHD child, stressed workaholic husband with infuriation problems.....wine on weekends turned into wine Thursday-Sunday.
We made our wine so there was always so much available and so I began the habit of opening a bottle every night. Without anyone's knowledge, I would make myself a drink after which I would place the glasses where no one would look for them.
Immediately I arrived home - and encounter the household disorder, getting supper, attempting to receive ADHD boy to pay attention on homework while prying the other person off his iPod'.. I can just think about combining that drink'..which I keep filling again till finally I become asleep or faint. On waking up, I check my phone to see whom I chatted when under the influence of alcohol.
Strangely, it doesn't end there for a couple of years back I got entangled in an extramarital affair with a family friend. The affair never proceeded to sexual interaction (except for a few hugs and standing beside each other at sporting events) but if any of you have learnt about (or undergone) an emotional affair, the effect can be just as dramatic and powerful, if not more so than a sexual relationship. I was on seventh heaven - all the time my phone showed a message'.oh the rush of feelings. Usually we exchanged texts late into night, at times in the middle of the night, while we were at duty.
I was elated than I had ever been. When the relationship got too serious and getting close we almost crossed the sexual line, then he pulled back. I have been crushed and lamenting this loss....and the drinking expanded.
The cocktails I have been mixed helped me to cope with the pain from the loss I experienced.
I feel so ashamed as I remember my past. Below are some of the incidence caused by my alcohol use include:
Getting completely pounded last Christmas at a mixed drink party
Drunk at the golden jubilee celebration of a relative.
Fuming messages on my iPhone
Screaming fits in the presence of my kids
Hitting my fist at my husband in the face
Making a tantrum when my child brought his friend to spend the night which basically is a none issue.
I am in guidance which has been an epiphany'..plus studying Ann's book and now detecting this site and studying alike narratives. I sense like I am heading home.